Saturday, January 30, 2010

I Gasp

Dear Mark Zuckerberg,

Please write a check amounting to PhP 50,000,000.00 payable to me for the emotional stress caused by a photo posted on facebook of a place from my past. I am distraught that there is no prevent-photos-of-places-that-cause-nausea-inducing-nostalgia-to-appear-in- my-window application available in your networking site.

It stressed me out so much, I missed a party today. Meaning, I spent two hours of dress rehearsals for nothing. My friends can download at least four HQ one hour-long porn with that amount of time. I could have spent that two hours driving to SM Rosales for a takoyaki take away, stay inside the Giordano shop for 45 minutes to ogle at their handsome staff and on my way back drop by the palengke for a kilo of lansones.

I believe that this application should have been a priority of your company. This oversight on your part must be addressed immediately, hopefully over the next banking day (but if there’s a Western Union in Palo Alto, I believe they are open on Sundays).

Otherwise, please send a handsome shrink who’s a citizen of a country that allows gay marriage to come and see me.

Gasping still,


For the last time, at least in writing, farewell port of Moresby.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Work it!

i sent a resume to a bank thinking i can work there as an accountant but they set the interview to test if i can manage one branch. i shrugged and agreed to sit with a panel. things you do for a buck!

I'm. not. good. at. panel. interviews!

can't i just send a video like elle woods did?

i can rant in flawless English under two circumstances only: 1. when i am under the influence of tequila or tequila-based cocktails or 2. when the issue is about high-fashion.


A new strain

moving back to pinas six months ago, i was surprised to see A&F (genuine or otherwise) in pinoy mainstream fashion...

the letters and ampersand trio is everywhere...from the lechon manok guy chopping my Chooks take away, the pimply auto load girl sa kanto to them closeted ABS-CBN homos...

in the RP alone A&F will recover every single dime of the $45 million they paid to rejected applicants and affected employees (re: anti-asian/afro-american lawsuits)

it instantly reminded me of the Tommy Hilfiger epidemic (note to self and to everyone: A&F is the fashionable strain, i love their recent spring collection, below are my pickings)

check a parody of A&F's retail culture:

in good terms

Walid, our Sudanese classmate was the fourth to the last person who left the room. A tower of 6'2, he is probably the tallest and most dark skinned (perhaps one the most handsome) person I ever took a midterm exam with.

Closing the door after him, his first sentence was: "I used all the English words I know on the exam."

Terrell Owens

I scoffed, "Me too, except the words vagina and orifice."

He laughed, I didn't.

Ten p.m., eighteen degrees Celsius and a petition for a re-take in mind, I ordered fresh milk at a Session Road bar and commenced my unprecedented dairy protest.

A week later: UP economics major Kat, the last soul to pass her paper took home a 99. Paulo from SLU's debate team placed second with a 97. Later in the evening, the Baguio breeze still 18 degrees, at the Giligans the third placer with his blue margarita was sipping away the end of his lactose protest.