I Gasp

Dear Mark Zuckerberg,

Please write a check amounting to PhP 50,000,000.00 payable to me for the emotional stress caused by a photo posted on facebook of a place from my past. I am distraught that there is no prevent-photos-of-places-that-cause-nausea-inducing-nostalgia-to-appear-in- my-window application available in your networking site.


It stressed me out so much, I missed a party today. Meaning, I spent two hours of dress rehearsals for nothing. My friends can download at least four HQ one hour-long porn with that amount of time. I could have spent that two hours driving to SM Rosales for a takoyaki take away, stay inside the Giordano shop for 45 minutes to ogle at their handsome staff and on my way back drop by the palengke for a kilo of lansones.

I believe that this application should have been a priority of your company. This oversight on your part must be addressed immediately, hopefully over the next banking day (but if there’s a Western Union in Palo Alto, I believe they are open on Sundays).

Otherwise, please send a handsome shrink who’s a citizen of a country that allows gay marriage to come and see me.

Gasping still,

Bryan


For the last time, at least in writing, farewell port of Moresby.